Changing the Stories We Tell Ourselves: A Gentle Look at CBT

One of the most common things I hear in therapy is, “I know my thoughts are negative, but I don’t know how to change them.”

It’s such a human experience. Our minds can sometimes become echo chambers of self-doubt, worry, or criticism. We replay the same stories: “I’m not good enough.” “Something will go wrong.” “I can’t handle this.” Over time, these thoughts start to feel like unquestionable truths.

This is where Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) offers us something powerful. At its heart, CBT is not about forcing yourself to “think positive” or ignoring pain. Instead, it’s about gently noticing the thoughts that arise, questioning them, and asking: “Is this the only way to see this situation? Is there another perspective that might be truer, kinder, or more balanced?”

Here’s how thought-changing can unfold in a simple, compassionate way:

1. Notice the Thought

The first step is awareness. Let’s take an example: imagine you’re about to speak in a meeting, and the thought arises, “I’ll embarrass myself. Everyone will think I’m incompetent.” Without noticing it, this thought can trigger anxiety, racing heart, and even avoidance.

2. Name What It Is

CBT encourages us to look at how we’re thinking. In this example, the thought falls into mind-reading (assuming we know what others will think) and catastrophizing (imagining the worst-case scenario). Naming the pattern helps us step back from it rather than being swept away.

3. Ask if It’s the Whole Truth

Instead of accepting the thought as fact, we ask: “What evidence supports this? What evidence challenges it?” Evidence for might be, “I sometimes stumble over words.” Evidence against might be, “I’ve shared in meetings before and people listened,” or, “Others in the room make mistakes too, and no one mocks them.” Suddenly, the thought doesn’t feel as absolute.

4. Create a Balanced Alternative

The goal isn’t to swing to the opposite extreme (from “I’ll embarrass myself” to “I’ll be flawless”). Instead, it’s about finding a gentler, more balanced statement: “I might feel nervous, but I know my points are valid. Even if I stumble, it doesn’t mean I’m incompetent.”

5. Practice, Gently

Changing thoughts takes practice, just like strengthening a muscle. Over time, these small shifts begin to reshape the way we feel and respond. In our example, the anxiety about speaking might soften—not because the person forced themselves to “be positive,” but because they learned to see the situation with more perspective and kindness.

What I love about CBT is that it offers both structure and compassion. It reminds us that thoughts are not facts—they’re stories we tell ourselves. And the beautiful part is, stories can be re-written.

Of course, this doesn’t mean pain disappears instantly. But when we start changing the way we relate to our thoughts, we give ourselves space to breathe. We begin to move from automatic reactions toward intentional, healthier responses.

So the next time you catch a harsh or fearful thought rising, maybe pause and ask yourself:
“Is this the only way to see it? What might a kinder perspective sound like?” Because healing isn’t about silencing your mind. It’s about teaching your mind a new language – one rooted in truth, balance, and compassion.